Taking Care of You

During your dissolution of marriage journey, you may find yourself lost on an uncertain, frightful path. Life as you know it has changed dramatically. We’re not here to call out those changes. What I want to focus on, is you. You may feel lost but that’s ok. Allow yourself to feel your emotions. You’re not expected to find yourself again any time soon, and that’s ok too. Because now is the time to focus on surviving. How is this possible? I’m no expert, nor am I a counselor or therapist. But I’m here to share with you my experience.

I’m sure you all heard of the term ‘self-care.’ What comes to mind when you hear that word? For me, it means taking care of myself first for my mental health and well-being. Because Lord knows we need all the mental focus and centering we can get. Easier said than done, I know. Here are some things I have done to bring some semblance of normal in my own life during and after a divorce:

1. It was a long time coming. It could be the same for some of you as well. So that means there were no surprises. But what I did, along with my spouse, was take stock of our marriage. Yes, that meant actually sitting down and talking. We discussed to see if there was anything left to salvage. Sadly, there wasn’t.
2. I didn’t know what the future would be like, and I didn’t want to think about it. The best thing I did was just to live for the moment, focus on the present. Thinking about the future was too overwhelming. I started my focus with my job. It was and is my livelihood. You know how the saying goes. Leave the baggage at the door before heading into the office. I don’t have to tell you how difficult that is. But staying busy at work was really important because it allowed me to focus my attention at work.
3. Having a good relationship with my kiddo was and is important. Spending time together as much as possible had a lot of positive effects. It shows that we’re in this together, that mom (or dad) still cares, that it’s safe to feel what your feeling, and that everything is going to be ok, even though it’s not for right now. It’s important to validate their feelings and thoughts. I have done my best to show my kiddo that life can still be fun. We went bowling, hiking, tried different restaurants, went to the movies and we did the Incline together. Anything we can do to take our minds off our troubles for a little while was worth it. The hiking trails were inexpensive and a great way to get in some exercise. Also, if your child is old enough, its’ fun to get in the kitchen and cook with them. My kiddo makes the best Christmas sugar cookies without any help from me!
4. Please schedule some time for yourself. The best time for me is when I have every other weekend to myself. Getting my nails done is a favorite. You have to treat yourself sometimes! The Garden of the Gods has been a place to renew and rejuvenate. Being outdoors in nature is good for the soul. After walking around on the trails, I’d sit up at the nature center and read a good book. I’ll bring my own snacks and sometimes treat myself to a coffee at the café. On occasion, I’ll reserve a room at the library and do some writing or journaling while enjoying some coffee. With a view of the mountains from the room I reserved, it has made me so content. If it is nice out, I’ll go for a walk on the library grounds.
5. Finally, if possible, have someone you can talk to if you’re insurance covers it. Teladoc counseling sessions have been so wonderful. I feel much better after speaking to my counselor. You’re going through a lot of changes, so it’s nice to chat with a third-party professional who can give you advice and suggestions to help you through your journey. I usually reserve a room at the library or hunker down in my basement room for my sessions.

This certainly isn’t an exhausted list, but what has helped me along the way. I hope this has helped you in some way. I’m always happy to share! Until next time!

If you need a top-notch team to assist you with your journey, please feel free to contact us for a free consultation about Colorado Springs divorce, child custody and family law at 719-344-5523.